Struggling a bit. Cos I fekn hate people.
I mean, I love individuals. I have people I adore all over the world.
But the species – it’s toxic.
Actually, fair warning, this might not be worth a read. It’s just my struggle, and may likely be just a ramble.
But I like to write at these moments. Because by the end, I know what I think.
There’s a whole lot of shit going down. People killing groups of people. People killing animals. Farming as an industry. Humans behaviour towards pets and other beings. How we use our planet, as if it wasn’t our last breath.
Human behaviour tears out my soul.
Okay, I know. I’m a sensitive. This is how it’s gonna be for me.
The class war kills me. Those privileged enough to not believe it’s happening make it worse. I know the difference between being able to pay for parking in town, and not being able to. I know what it’s like to have budget brand groceries in your trolley every fekn week, and never have anything nice.
But we’re not starving, as others in the world needn’t be.
But how the middle class hate us – as their debt burden. Because they’ve been told we’re the problem. So they don’t need any more information.
I hate that we’re set up not to succeed. To take on austerity jobs, as if there wasn’t another way. As if there wasn’t as much money as there’s always been. Only now it all goes to the top.
I hate the way we treat each other and our fellow earthlings of all species and our wild world – the very lungs of this planet.
I hate the way we treat indigenous folk as parasites – so they ask for nothing and wish for nothing.
I hate the way we plunder our homeship – as if she wasn’t alive.
Humans kill me.
But I fiercely love individuals. My kids, my partner, my friends and their kids. I know the hearts of these people, and I love them.
I don’t know why people act the way they do. Then blame the poor, who have no choice in their actions.
I’m light and dark. Love and hate.
And there’s so many times I could just opt out. Cos my own earthwalk isn’t an easy one. And seems pointless in the face of the opposition.
I think it’s bloody-mindedness. This refusal to cave or fold or shut up. This resolution to shine my light while I’m here.
It’s a hard walk. So disillusioned. Just trying to shine my light in my little part of the woods. While those with power and money cut down the woods. And dumbarses spout mainstream media in support of the hegemony.
Man, I’ve been working and fighting my entire life. While those one rung up the ladder take their moment of power to argue with me.
The fight is silly. They’re so much bigger than me. More powerful. They fight with money, usually wearing suits, to prove I’m wrong.
But if I’m wrong, I could have given up the first time I thought about giving up.
I hate my enemy. That keeps me going.
I will do everything I can get away with within their laws to change the focus.
Otherwise we’re just ants. Going about our business of eating things so we can reproduce.
Maybe that’s all we are. Maybe it’s me who has the problem, thinking ants should be fair and just and kind. And getting incredibly hurt because they aren’t. I can’t discard all this and stay alive in my own little bubble of happiness. Not while they kill all the things.
So I’ll fight while I’m here. Many of us will. But don’t rely on us to fight forever.
What will you do if those who care give up?