Dear Neighbour

Published January 27, 2014 by insufficient mums

Dear Neighbour

with the section that wraps right around mine.

I hate you. I hate you worse than other neighbour with the wrap-around hands, owner of Kujo the fence-leaping dog, and crazy bitch hatchet-face, the girlfriend.

And here is why.

Powertools. Every-fekn-day. Not just weekend. Not just weekdays. But e.v.e.r.y day. Seriously?

Also, Idiot-dog the idiot, with the munchy mouth and loose jaws. You know… the one who eats cats and can’t be put on any sort of chain, rope, or kennel in your vast section, and if complained about gets shut in a hot van for endless hours on hot days…

Idiot son who argues with idiot father in the foulest possible language (both of you) about why he’s not allowed to live in the house, about his dog, money, or who’s beating up mother today…

How do I get your section zoned as industrial? Can I even make another council complaint now that they have called so many times to stop your dog eating my pets…?

Here is my current plan. Weedkiller, and loads of it. I shall toss this randomly over your fence, in a helpful manner to assist you in maintaining your section. You will have less to do with powertools this way, and if its toxic enough you will no longer have difficulties with keeping your dog on your own property.

Or, if pushed, gasoline does make a good weedkiller, so I’m told. Sufficient quantities may be followed by a match.


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