Single parents with spectrum kids – Hail and salute!
And lets face it, those of us with spectrum kids are single, sooner or later.
I’ve just got through my morning battles. Today the school run finished at 10am. The child who wouldn’t rise, the child who wouldn’t dress. The child who screamed at me and swore for half an hour that they had done their teeth, face, and hair, rather than going and doing it.
I’m still tired from yesterday – a blur of Healthcare appointments, schools, neglected friends, insufficient house maintenance. And I worked last night.
It will start again in a few more hours. When I collect them. ‘Afterschool’ starts with food phobias. The dinner arguments can go on for 5 hours. Every night. Forever. It’s a tactile thing, you see. She physically can’t swallow some textures of foods, others she can’t get past her thinking, and no two foods on her plate can touch. If I do surrender to her lack of nourishment, I have other children who float on the edges of the spectrum and need their needs met too.
Poor parenting. Lack of discipline. Failure to maintain routines (or budgets). I hear my mother’s voice in my head.
But those of us who do this full time, we’re on benefits, you see… There is no money for special diets, or extra petrol when you need to do several school runs in the morning to get everybody to where they need to go.
So, I add in a little work. To lift the budget. To lift me. I work from home of course, so I can work around the kids needs. Which requires that I at least appear somewhat presentable in my home environment. Which is a challenge with spectrum kids, to say the least.
My own counsellor, put in place to ensure I’m maintaining my own good health as backbone of this family, suggests I go to bed every night at 11. But that’s when it’s quiet you see. I can usually be assured that by 11 all will be sleeping. No-one phones. There are no clients. 11pm I cannot surrender. I need 11pm.
I have fired my counsellor. She fell asleep in my last session. She needed something to fix. And there is nothing here that can be fixed. This. Is how it is.
Goddess warm my heart. I feel like I’m freezing to death.