Move along. There’s nothing to see here.

Published August 27, 2014 by insufficient mums

Keep CalmTonight. I lost it.
Too hard. Too much. Too many. Not enough.
For too long.

It would however seem that I have finally reached the status of ‘too damn low, too damn often”. I would apologise, but this is my life, and I will share it as I see fit.
(Sharing this shit saves my arse)

When you’re a special needs parent, there’s a place you get to where everybody around you really needs you to start ‘doing better’.
And when you don’t… cos there is no end to this… well, folk get a bit tired of you, don’t they…?
It’s like my friends who cope with chronic pain. There’s an expectation that by day 995 you’ll have got used to it.
People don’t understand that it’s just as hard today and everyday as it was on day one.
And I will not withdraw in shame. I will continue to share the load with you poor bastards. Because I have made strong friends and alliances with other parents who have given up sharing. 
And I am a loud and ignorant bastard.

And the other thing that I find myself continuously sucking up with respect to those who ‘mean well’…
fekkg gratitude. And fekg gratitude lists.
“Hello Madam. I see you have a spear shoved up your arse. I hear that it’s gradually working it’s way through your internal organs and into your brain. May I suggest looking on the bright side? At least you don’t also have a javelin in your eye. There are people out there who do. Oh, and at least you’re not getting up and working in a mine every day. And there are starving people in Africa. Don’t forget about them. You should really make a gratitude list.”
Here’s the thing. My online life is as much my gratitude list as it is my ‘share the load’ list. If you actually look at what I post, there’s masses of gratitude and things I am grateful for. That will not stop me acknowledging the hills as much as the valleys. There is light and dark.
Look, if you don’t like it, scroll on by. Maybe its not for you. Maybe I’m not for you.
But if you really need to exercise your superiority by suggesting I look on the bright side, let me tell you, this is the view from the bright side. From here I can see the whole terrain. And I will share the entire map with those who journey with me.

It’s not that I don’t need you. I do. I need all of you who love me, and those of you who tolerate me. Not to solve. Just to listen. Or even pretend to listen.
But do be warned. This shit ain’t ending anytime soon. So, if you’re on my crew, buckle up.
And if you’re not – move along. There’s nothing to see here.


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