Sucking Back Crazy

Published February 15, 2015 by insufficient mums

I think I may have been a bit crazy this weekend…niceffects1

Certainly negative, with PMT-like mood-swings.

I just caught myself thoroughly dissecting every negative thing in my life, whilst driving. Rather than concentrating on the good, I was thoroughly analysing the difficult.

And it has been a challenging weekend. One where I’ve obviously been the house elf while everyone else treated me with disdain.

But I think it’s more than that. I think its cos I’ve run out of my nicotine lozenges.

Now, I haven’t really smoked for a few years now, but I still LOVE those nicotine lozenges and they love me. I believe I have a triple overdose every day.

Nicotine was the drug of choice for my family. Yes, there were others – particularly alcohol. But nicotine was the key in the lock that took all the crazy away. While stop smoking programmes told us that nicotine actually created the crazy, and if we stopped using it we’d stop desiring it – for my family it was like being told that the other humans get by without blood. Nicotine worked. And when I let go of every other addiction in my life, I kept my nicotine – for decades.

And this weekend I ran out of nicotine replacement lozenges – and THINGS SUCKED BIGTIME!!

I have had a therapist look me straight in the eye and tell me he doesn’t believe in PMT, but I can tell you, these are the same symptoms. And I don’t care if I’m keeping my balance hormonally, glycaemically, or with nicotine. The control substance is irrelevant.

Even if it turns out that my natural state is that of a crazy person, and nicotine allows me to “pass” – irrelevant.

The point is, I need it. It works. I don’t have any. And I really shouldn’t be allowed to parent, drive, or generally interact with the humans without it.

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