Did you know that I am never ever ever alone?
Not for 5 minutes. Not for 5 breaths.
There is always someone, whether of good of bad inclination, wanting something off me. Maybe food. Maybe transport. Maybe just my time.
If there is a clear moment during term time, that is demanded by the forms that need the filling, the things that need the fixing or the cleaning. Even getting an alone moment to do this shitty dross work is nigh on impossible.
Then I have friends who love me.
If you are my friend you already know that I cannot be your ‘only’ friend. That would be unwise. My availability for ‘friend things’ is restricted.
Feeling the pinch right now. Everybody wants a piece of me. Dammit I got my own shit I wanna get done.
And even if I didn’t have that impulse, I still want time to shower, to sit and breathe, to nap if I damn well want to.
I’m fekn over it really. I wanna upsticks and move to somewhere that no-one knows me. Or somewhere where there is no-one.
I want the chance to be lonely. To be so alone that I can have some writing time. To be so alone that some things are clean. To be so very totally alone that I have the impulse to go be with some folk for some time.
Only one place I can think of like this. And it calls me sometimes.